Oh Forgiveness, Why are you so Fickle?

Now, this is truly rather strange. Rarely do I write about the same thing twice in a row, but I seem to be learning an awful lot about forgiveness lately.

I can only remember two other times in my life when I have ever found forgiveness this difficult. I must admit, it's rather strange. I am really upset with someone, but they have not even hurt me personally, but rather people I care dearly about. It's strange to me that this upsets me more than anything else.

This person has been an example of Christianity to me for sometime. They acted in a way that was not very reflective of Christ in response to several situations. I know the Christian thing to do is to forgive this person, but it's so darn difficult. It's especially difficult when this person still has not righted their wrongs, or sought forgiveness from these people they have hurt.

God has been speaking to me a lot about forgiveness this week. He has really been showing me what he says in his word...

Jesus sacrificed himself for our sins, therefore we are forgiven...

"This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins."
-Matthew 26:28

We have power in forgiveness...

"But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared."
-Psalm 130:4

I cannot forgive out of my own power, but there is someone who can.

Thank goodness I have a God who is Mighty to Save....

one year later: friendship renewed

oh Jesus, just when I think I can't, just when I feel like giving up and cashing out, you find me.

thank you for forgiveness and the forgiveness of others.

thank you that you give me friendships that can survive incredible diversity.

Oh my dear Jesus, you are so, so, so worth it.

i'm a lover, not a hater...

"Lord, grant that I might not so much seek to be loved as to love."
-St. Francis of Assisi

"To love another person is to see the face of God."
-Les Miserables

"Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for a friend."

Love. Love. Love.....


My conversations with God lately...
Bre:"Jesus, wreck my life. Wreck my life completely for you. Tear me down, and build me up."
God: "Are you sure?"
Bre: "Yes, wreck my life. It's yours Lord!"
God: "But are you really sure?..."
Bre: "I think so... "
God: "Alright..."
Bre: "I just want to be where you are Lord."
God: "I love you my daughter, but be sure of what you are asking, I do not take these committments lightly."
Bre: "I am sure, I am scared Lord, I will probably let you down. But Lord, I want to be where you are!"
God: "My heart is among the impoverished, the diseased, the outcasts, and the displaced. Will you go there?"
Bre: "If it is your will Lord send me. This will not be an easy life, will it Lord?"
God: "No, but it is a better life. The best life."

enough is enough.

seriously. i am so fed up with the state of this region, this country, and this world.

Rwanda the 1994 genocides: 800,000 murdered

Uganda in The past 20 years: 150,000 murdered and counting...

Sudan the Darfur Massacres & genocide (last count in 2006): at least 500,000 murdered and counting...

Europe (the Holocaust): 11 million people murdered

Why do we stand for these things?!? We have, and continue to sit back and watch theses events unfold. See, it's not that we ignore them, but that we are apathetic towards them. We say, "My God, how horrific!", then we continue with our day, our class, our dinner, we change the channel. We know these atrocities occur, and we continue to ignore them!

I do not not understand how we, as Christians, ...for goodness sakes, as fellow human beings, can see these things and not act immediatly! How do our hearts not burst at the injustice!?! How do we justify these events in our minds, in our hearts, in our souls?!?

What is Faith without action? If this apathy and ignorance is what "Christianity" has become, then I want no part in it. You may call me a follower of Christ, and I will chase passionatly after him, and I surrender my life to his will, but I will not partake in this apathy any longer. I am done with it. I am done with our ridiculous excuses for ignorance. I am done. I will not stand for this any longer. I will not tolerate my own, or anyone elses excuses for living a life half committed to my creator. I will not be a participant in this stagnant faith.

My faith will be real. My faith will be honest. My faith will be hard. It will not come easily. My faith may cost me comforts, social acceptance, a safe home, and even my life.

But I WILL have a REAL faith.

I will not be ignorant.

I will not be apathetic.

I will not allow you to make following Jesus a fad or a comforting dream.

Following Jesus is not comfortable. It is not easy. It is not about this life. It has a price. The price of your entire life.


enough is enough.

take a stand.

enough is enough.

oh growth.


Websters Dictionary defines growth as:
1. spring up or develop in maturity
2. to increase or expand in wisdom
3. to pass into a condition

growth is just that. an expansion of our world.

to grow we need:::

* a life source

* energy

* a gardener

growing in Christ is very much the same:

* We need God to rain down his grace and mercy

* We need him to shine his love upon us.

*And it should come as no surprise that we need him to prune us as well.

An unpruned tree is spread out in many directions.
It does not bare much fruit.
It is weak.
It is wreckless and out of control.

Like a tree, we too must be pruned by the hand of God.
We must be focused on Heaven.
We must bare the finest fruits.
We must be strengthened.
We must be taught self-control.

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.
He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, so that it will be even more fruitful.
You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you.
Remain in me, and I will remain in you.
No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine.
Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

I am the vine; you are the branches.
If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers;
such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.
If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.
This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples."

-Jesus Christ
John 15:1-8


this is my senior challenge that i gave at the last Higher Ground.
i cried through much of it,
so if you couldn't understand what i was saying, here it is

I am going to talk about love. Not the, “she is so totally in love with him!” love. But the love that took its form in a man, not much older than ourselves, who bled, sweat, suffered immensely, and died the cruelest of deaths, nailed to a cross, forsaken by his father, to save our souls. This is the love that comes from God.

You do not “fall” into love. Love does not just happen. Love is a choice. Love is a conscious decision. The people you love, you choose to love. Loving God, that is a choice as well. God granted us this choice because he loves us. Some choose to love worldly things. They choose financial ambition, popularity, sexual pleasures, alcohol, work… Yet despite it all, they come up short. This is because we cannot love people, without first loving God.

This is what I truly want to talk to you about. Do you wake up every morning and choose to love the people around you? Or do you just expect to love them? Love is a choice. People will enter and exit your life, but do you love them? Are you showing your heavenly father’s love to them? When they look at you, do they see the cross? If they do not, then you need to reevaluate your life. Now. Right Now. Not later. Now.

People need to be loved. That is why we spend our whole lives searching for it. Some of you know the love of Christ, but still search for it in other places, people, or even gods. The people around you need to be loved. And you need to choose to love them. This, this is not a choice. God commands us to love one another as we love ourselves. And I have got to tell you. We love ourselves a whole lot! Do we love other people the same way we love ourselves?

Maybe you’re the good kid. That was me in high school. I was the good kid. I hung out with the right crowd. I wore the conservative clothes. I didn’t date until my senior year. I never took a sip of alcohol. I never smoked a cigarette. I never touched a drug. But instead of loving on the people who did do these things. I shunned them. I looked down on them. I put myself before them, I loved myself more than them. I felt that because they did not love God, that they were not worthy of my love! How then, were they supposed to know the love of Christ, if I, the Christian was not showing it to them?

Maybe you’re the kid I looked down on. Maybe you are searching for or avoiding God in alcohol, drugs, sports, music, sex, popularity, whatever it is… And to you, I apologize. For the times when I, and other Christians did not treat you as our sisters and brothers in Christ, as children of God.

My opinions of how we are to love have changed a lot in the past year. I have discovered the love that God has for me. I have discovered his voice in the still, small, silence. I have gotten to know God on a level more intimate than I could reach with any person. I have discovered how to love. Truly love.

This then, is my challenge to you. Love the people around you. Don’t pretend to. Really, truly, deeply love them. We must love one another. If there is any calling, any responsibility that our generation has, it is to love one another. People are crying, screaming, starving, dieing to be loved! Who will love them, if not us?!

I am not sure that I can get put into words this feeling that makes my heart feel as though it will burst out of my chest. And maybe you think I’m crazy, a lunatic even. Maybe everything I have said meant nothing to you. But if you caught any part of what I said, may it be that you love others. Love until you feel as though you cannot love anymore. Love fully. Love deeply. And love completely. And when you feel as though you cannot possibly love any more, love again.

God has great plans for our generation. Great plans, that go beyond what we can dream up, or come close to fathoming. And I believe that a major element of these plans, will be showing the love of Christ to those who are deemed unworthy of it. There are big things happening in our world right now, things bigger than ourselves. We can surround these things with apathy, ignorance, and hate. Or we can spread love, joy, and salvation. The choice is yours.



it's amazing how God works thorugh surrender. we struggle to carry our own burdens. when you give it all to him. lay it all down at his feet. he says, "now, let me show you what i am capable of!"

through the looking glass

it's easy to see God in the big things, in the life changing decisions and events. it's easy to see him move when he moves violently. it's easy to hear his voice when he shouts. it's easy to feel his presence when pushes us to our knees.
but when he moves on the breeze. when he whispers in the silence. when he comforts in the stillness. do we see him? do when hear him? do we feel his presence there?
global society runs so fast. when is the last time you sat in silence? when is the last time you observed his radiance? when did you last bask in his presence?

i am guilty. i enjoy being busy. i enjoy being wrapped up in activities, social gatherings, and worldly concerns. they are pleasing, but momentary, impermanent. God, God is permanent, infinate. how can anyway we spend our time, but with him, be worthy?

are we seeking God out in the silence? are we listening for his still, small voice? do we see God in the creation that surrounds us?

in the beauty of a flower?

in the smile of a child?

in the stillness of a mountain?

look for God in the small things. he is whispering grace, mercy, and love into your life. seek the silence and solitude to hear him. he is waiting for you there.