if you know anything about me. you know that i love lists. and its about the end of one season and the beginning of another, so it seems right. 

(these are not in any particular order or rank)

good things this year:
~winning pull (legendary '11)
~hope women's lacrosse
~reading thoreau all december long
~seeing live in concert:
   -denison witmer (for probably the 7-8th time)
   -brooke waggoner
   -my brightest diamond
~deciding to stay at hope (yes, i almost transferred)

things i want to cook this summer:
~calamari (nummmmmmy)
~vegan/vegatarian everything
(also, buying all food local is the hefty goal via my beautiful bicycle with shiny new baskets!)

to be continued....

oh my gosh i'm human.

i cannot tell you the last time i felt this alive:

it's a brand new day

this song came on pandora 2 minutes ago.
It’s a brand new day
The sun is shining 
It’s a brand new day
For the first time in such a long long time
I know I’ll be ok

Most kind of stories
Save the best part for last
And most stories have a hero who finds
You make your past your past
Yeah you make your past your past

It’s a brand new day
The sun is shining 
It’s a brand new day
For the first time in such a long long time
I know I’ll be ok

This cycle never ends
You gotta fall in order to mend

It’s a brand new day
It’s a brand new day
For the first time in such a long long time
I know I’ll be ok
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

-2 Corinthians 12:9


these are quotes from a notebook from last year that i wrote down when i heard them.

"Some of us are afraid to have faith, because it might lead to a cross we didn't want to carry."

"May we be uncommonly committed to one another."

"Be willing to die, but also to live."

"God's invitation for you to work with him always leads you to a crisis of belief that requires faith and action."
-Henry Blackaby

"These times are so uncertain...but I think its about forgiveness"
-Don Hemly

"I am a great sinner and Christ a great forgiver."
-John Newton

"We need a theology of abundance, not of scarcity."

"You should not feel guilty about pacifism, you should feel guilty about not exploring what you don't understand."
-Dr. Cronkite

visual abundance

if you would like, i will be posting my artwork here.

wise words

"Why is music so amazing?"

"...because it speaks to the soul when everything else speaks to the mind."

-the wise words of eric lunderberg

" At one point in my life I'd kill Chirst for 10 bucks, cause He was messing with my status as God."

Easter is a strange time of year. The reverence for what Christ has done for us and the joy of his resurrection. How do we handle it? I was challenged by the words of one of my more recent favorite writers. Check out the Hollywood Pastor.

"it is good": fighting the good fight and holding out for the cross.

a theme i've heard reflected over and over and over and over and over and over this week is one of holding out. holding out for something better. something beautiful. something worth fighting for.

i feel like this isn't a lesson you learn without experience. this isn't a lesson you learn sitting on the side lines. this. this is a lesson you learn after you come close. after you get singed by the fire. after you compromise. after you almost settle.

and let me tell you about settling. it leads down the same road every time. i've done it. i've been there. i've done that. and i'm over it. i'm over it. all streams feed into the same river. settling leads to heart break and emptiness. because settling means choosing less than what God has for you. less than abundance. less than the cross. 

its something that last night i laid in bed thinking about for hours. because for the first time, its not the settling that hurts. its the choosing of something better. its the leaving behind of the easy way. its the choice of something more beautiful, deep, and worth the fight. it hurts because its a leaving behind of self. of flesh. of easy and quick and effortless. 

its a good choice. its such a good choice.
but i don't mean "good" in the way, "yeah, that's good, that's nice."
i mean it in the way God says, "and it was good."
there's more meaning to it isn't there?

choosing depth. good.
choosing beauty. good.
choosing abundance. good. 
choosing the good fight. good.
holding out for the cross. good.

its good to choose good.

*[on a separate, yet related note.]
thank you. thank you for sitting next to me. thank you for speaking truth when its hard to hear. thank you for being a three-in-the-morning-i'll-right-there-friend. your friendship is far more than i deserve. 

i am the cowardly lion.

monday and tuesday were overwhelming to say the least. but i must admit, i've stumbled hard these past few days. the amount of tasks i needed to complete this week over took me, but instead of taking things one at a time, i proceeded to freak out, stress out, forget that God has already told me not to worry, and proceed to slip in to a coma like state, hoping all the trouble/stress will disappear.

and when it all piles up, i'm just an ostrich with my head in the sand, hoping the world will disappear before i have to deal with it.
picture: google images

so now. right now. no more. i'm pulling my head up out of the sand because this world is spinning far too fast, far too elegantly, far too beautifully through the universe, and i don't want to miss a second of it worrying about things i cannot control.