goodness

God is good.

and life is so so so good.







but i truly miss all their lovely faces.

learning.

things i've learned lately. (+ random thoughts/remarks):

good friends are good friends through highs and lows.

holland is beautifully sleepy in the mornings.

suntan lotion is a nice luxury.

God is steadfast and sure.

i'm not so steadfast....

i'm terrible at saving money.

i know how to change a tire.

turns out my car has a spare tire, jack, and wrench thing under the carpet in the back. (rob conrad is a car genius)

when in doubt, call dad. he can fix everything.

my landlord is actually a very understanding man.

i like a new tea. pomegranate-papaya.

teaching sailing is more work than going sailing.

i love middle school age kids. they are so great. so. so. so. great.

as a student said this week, "so you're 19, so you're in charge of yourself?"

"ummm....sorta?"

i miss the beach, even when i live 5 minutes from 5 beaches....

new sunglasses are the best.

fall is going to be challenging. but good. really. really. really good!

i'm not always who i claim to be. i'd like to change that.

i love my brother. a lot. i miss him. a lot.






"i need to change the way i look at, all i look at..."
-warren barfield

another world?

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."
-C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

"our wildest dreams aren't half wild enough..."

“Notice how many places in the accounts of Jesus’ life he gets frustrated with his disciples. Because they are incapable?” No, because of how capable they are. He sees what they could be and could do, and when they fall short, it provokes him to no end. It isn’t their failure that’s the problem; it’s their greatness. They don’t realize what they are capable of.”
-Rob Bell, “Velvet Elvis”-

it’s true, you know?

It really is. How frustrating it must be to be the creator, the sole designer of a species that has barely even scraped away the surface of their potential?

we are a people designed for great things.
We were not designed to live small, insignificant lives.
But rather,
We were designed to live lives that matter.

Lives well lived.
Lives lived big.
Lives lived in the acknowledgement of the crazy, beautiful, mad scientist that created them.

It’s not that we live our lives too loud, but rather that we tiptoe around them.

Dream wilder.
Live louder.
Pray crazier.

My friend Amanda said this in her blog, Zecer:

“Our wildest dreams aren’t half wild enough"

"except you ravish me"

"Batter my heart, three-person'd God ; for you
As yet but knock ; breathe, shine, and seek to mend ;
That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force, to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurp'd town, to another due,
Labour to admit you, but O, to no end.
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captived, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,
But am betroth'd unto your enemy ;
Divorce me, untie, or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me."
-John Donne

in light of recent conversations...

recently i've seen a few people from my past and it's left me with some decisions.

namely one. i have no time for bitterness, anger, or cruelty. there is too much of that in the world already. there is too much brokenness. hate. racism. hopelessness. apathy. sexism. suffering. ignorance. there is already all too much of that on this small little planet.

i want to be around people that make me want to wake up and choose good things. like life. hope. abundance. joy. selflessness. humility. servantship. growth. beauty. love. Jesus. i want to surround myself with beautiful people who reach deep down into my soul, and find the best in me. i want to have relationships with people who love and know God. who want more than just an "ok" life. more than just alright.

now don't get me wrong here. i'm not saying that i'm afraid to stand up for what i believe. or that i don't get angry at things like genocide, poverty, child abuse, abortion, or war. these are things worth being angry about. these are things worth taking a stand on.

choose your battles friends.
choose them wisely.

why dwell on the negative comments of bitter people?

life has so much more to offer you than this.

fight for the things that truly matter, and let the rest go.

when did salvation get an army?

a man at salvation army was really nice to me today.

he asked me how my day was going.
he helped me find a weird skirt that i turned into a cute dress.
he told me that hope students get 10% off.
he told me that skirts were on sale.

what a nice man.

best salvation army day EVER.

i got four things:

1. ugly skirt turned cute dress
2. a slip for the skirt
3. a beautiful brown cardigan sweater
4. a cute striped tee from JCrew

like i said. best day EVER.

"friend. i would take a bullet for you"

"'Cause I would take a bullet for you
I would take a bullet for you
I would cross any line, I'd swim across the sea
I would take a bullet for you
I would take a bullet for you
I would lose it all, I'd take my fall
To show you it's for real"

"i want to get home every night and be exhausted..."

i truly love living.

is that so strange?

i really do.

i love it. i love it. i love it.

i like waking up in the morning and breathing deeply.
i like stretching and yawning loudly.
i like working outside in the harsh summer sun.
i like arizona tea.
i like good friends.
i like the community table at LJ's.
i like sketching and painting.
i like the water. the waves. the lake.
i like hookah on the beach.
i like rebellious drives in my little red station wagon.
i like to ride my bicycle.
i like running until i cannot go any farther, then turning around and running home.
i like the way my skin turns bronze.
i like dinners on tuesday nights.
i like silly music.
i like writing music.
i like playing music.
i like music.
i like my camera.
i like that circuit city has good warranty protection plans so i can fix my camera.
i like indecisive frattes.
i like mind, body and soul coffee.
i like lovecake.
i like miss ally jester.
i like my dress, that may actually be a shirt, but i don't care.
i like friday dinners with my parents.
i like call my brother and talking with him.
i like dreaming big.
i like good talks.
i like deep conversations.
i like sarcasm.
i like surprises. (especially ones that look like little red station wagons)
i like silly dancing with house mates.
i like living on my own.
i like thinking about serious decisions.
i like making big changes.
i like knowing who i am.
i like knowing that i am enough.
i like friends who aren't afraid to tell me to stop being a jerk.
i like puppies.
i really like puppies.
i want a puppy.
i like the pitbull puppies that are all over our neighborhood.
i like my grandparents.
i like teasing my g-pa on the phone.
i like my aunt marjie. she's the best.
i like teaching sailing.
i like nannying.
i like middle schoolers.
i like my new hat.
i like jesus sandals.
i like misty edwards.
i like mate tea.
i like life.

i really do.
i really. really. really. really. like life.

it's so. so, good,

and i want to live it out. i want to run and dance and skip and jump. i want to run and roll down hills like trees. i want to see the world and meet people and talk to them and soak up everything i possibly can. i want to get home every night and be exhausted, because i truly lived out every moment i could.

let's live friend.
let's breathe deep.


let's set this world on fire.

"hello goodbye?"

tonight on my way to the coffee shop, "lemonjellos", where I am sitting right now, i passed a lady on the stairs of my apartment. she said, "hello" and asked how i was. i replied, "good."

now here's the strange part.

after i said, "good", she said, "good thanks."

the unusual part of this conversation wasn't that she was good, but that i had never asked her how she was. i never said, "and how are you?" she just assumed that i would ask. interesting isn't it? and i don't that she even realized what she had said. i think she was just on auto pilot.

isn't it strange? how easily we walk through life without even noticing things or truly interacting? our questions and responses are simply dictated by the norms of society. we don't think about our words until they are flying, hurdling, tumbling out of our mouths with no chance of ever catching them again. our tongues have been set loose without restraint. we speak. we scream. we declare. we proclaim. we whisper. but we never think. how strange. we have lost the ability to think. or maybe not so much the ability to think, but rather to prioritize. we have placed speaking in front of intelligent thought.

i hope i'm not just hurdling through this life on autopilot. i hope i'm looking around. i hope i'm making real friendships and real relationships with real conversations. i hope i'm living my life in a way that acknowledges that i'm alive. i hope that i'm living in a way that shows real love. real faith. real christianity. a real God.

oh i hope and pray so.