mercy. mercy. mercy.

"we are going to make it.
we are going to make it.
we are going to make it."
- a dear friend

this is by far, the most difficult season of my life.

i feel like i'm sinking fast. and there's no chance of getting out alive. like i've got nothing but the top of my head above water. just my blonde hair floating softly in ripples of blue.

a dear friend of mine told me to hold onto the things i know. because in the end. that's what we've got, our stories. i know a precious few things. i don't know anything at all, but a few small truths. and right now. it's all i need. because its the only thing keeping me afloat.

i know.

that God is enough.
he is enough for me today, and for tomorrow. i know my God is enough.

i know.

that i want to wake up and fight the good fight.
i want to wake up and choose God every morning. this world is too dark, too angry, too bitter, and far too broken. i want to wake up in the reality of these insurmountable odds and choose hope. i want to choose joy. i want to choose perseverance. i want to choose abundance. i want to wake up every morning and choose life.

i know.

that my breaking point is never as close as i think it is. i know that God's grace gives me far more strength than i've found anywhere else. i know that i have a peace in this screwed-up life that passes all understanding. i've got a peace that makes no sense at all.

i know.

that my roots are deep. that i've got a family, a body, even when i forget what they look like. i've got some damn good friends. i know i've got sunshine. i know i can always run home to my sunshine family like the prodigal son, and before i can take a step towards them, they are already holding me, kissing me, wiping all the hurt away.


i know.

that in all this, this messy, (and-pardon-me-for-saying-so) fucked up world, i need something larger than myself to hold onto. i need something larger than my education. i need something larger than my friendships. i need something larger than my family. i need something larger than a relationship. i need a savior.



...
..
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this world is so broken. so. so. so. broken. and i've got nothing left but you father. i'm crying out. i've got nothing left. you've taken it all. please look my way. don't turn your face away from me father. mercy Lord. mercy. mercy. mercy.

"remember your promise oh God."