these friends of mine

friends. i see Jesus in these people.

alexandria.

the God loving, earth caring, food cooking, beautiful soul that i call my best friend. a lover of God and of people. so full of adventure and life. when i'm around her, i'm more compassionate, more honest, more of the me that God is calling me to be.

jaime.

lays down her life for the best and worst of friends. holds tightly to God's promises and is a friend who truly understands what it takes to stand in the will of God. she keeps me sane when i'm tip-toeing the edge of insanity.

marcus.

the kindest man i know. loves those who don't deserve love. cares more deeply for the people around him than anyone i have ever known. chases after God with such fervor. and never, never, never gives up on anyone.

nathan.

the thinker. the professor. the contemplator. he wrestles with every idea, relationship, aspect of life. when he cares, he cares deeply. he is one-hundred percent in or one-hundred percent out. he is deep and good and full of wisdom. he is my brother, the first person i call. his wisdom is a strong, steady keel in an ocean of waves.

behr.

makes everyday new. everyday bright. everyday beautiful. she's a rock in a crashing sea of unsteady friendships. beautiful, free, and young. she grows boldly and pulls others up off the ground as she grows upward. she's full of forgiveness and mercy. she's my neighbor, my friend, my late-night-confidant. i laugh harder and breathe deeper when we are together.

andrew.

sacrifices sleep, food, homework, sanity for his friends. gives so much of himself. lives abundantly, beautifully, and true. lays down his life for his friends daily. honest and true, and his friendship makes me more so. our first conversation was 10 hours long. (not exaggerating)

paul.

his smile, laughter, humor are contagious, but not ignorantly so. his kindness shows the wisdom of a life that has seen less happy times. he soaks up each day so fully, sometimes, i swear i can see each ray of sunlight sink into his skin. he is so sincere, and i learn what sincerity is every time he hugs me.

arin.

wonderful. wonderful. wonderful. one of the most intelligent minds and souls that i know.  a lover of words and thoughts. he has taught me the value of every-single-word.  every word is carefully chosen. every thought, thought out. he is bluntly honest and wonderfully bold. his life humbles and encourages me.

allison.

humble and beautiful. steady and bright. her laughter lights up rooms. her compassion topples buildings. she has a voice that the most talented lark would envy. a beautiful woman, down to the deepest part of her soul. i am humbled to call her friend.

you bless me more than you know.

the pedestrian life

i made my first dinner in the new house!

i cooked for trena, gabe, mike, and ben. i made stir-fry with lime-cilantro chicken and peppers and onions. i also made home-made guac. everyone seemed to enjoy it!

pictures to come of food and house soon!

(also: going on a bike ride tomorrow on sophia[my schwinn breezer])

"This is what I’m finding, in glimpses and flashes: this is it. This is it, in the best possible way. That thing I’m waiting for, that adventure, that move-score-worthy experience unfolding gracefully. This is it. Normal, daily life ticking by on our streets and sidewalks, in our houses and apartments, in our beds and at our dinner tables, in our dreams and prayers and fights and secrets – this pedestrian life is the most precious thing any of use will ever experience."

-shauna niequist

oh my gosh i'm human.

i cannot tell you the last time i felt this alive:

"there is nothing more sacred and profound than this day."

"I don’t want to wait anymore. I choose to believe 

that there is nothing more sacred or profound than this 

day. I choose to believe that there may be a thousand big 

moments embedded in this day, waiting to be discovered 

like tiny shards of gold. The big moments are the daily, tiny 

moments of courage and forgiveness and hope that we 

grab on to and extend to one another. That’s the drama of 

life, swirling all around us, and generally I don’t even see it, 

because I’m too busy waiting to become whatever it is I think 

I am about to become. The big moments are in every hour, 

every conversation, every meal, every meeting."

-shauna niequist

to ally and kelly:

thank you so dearly for so many lovely. honest. day-to-day. meaningful moments these past few weeks. and truly, the big moments are in every mongiamo's pizza, every milkshake, every vegan cupcake, every oven explosion. 

you are more deeply loved than you know.

simple fanaticism

i think the most fanatical way to live a christian life is not loud or prominent or crazy. but a day-by-day, semi-boring, not too exciting sort of way. 

i don't need to live in an exclusive christian community.

i don't need to go to every bible study. every worship service. every church camp. every chapel. 

and when i drop something on my foot, i say shit. it hurts.

real, fanatical christianity is 

breathing because i can.

feeling the warmth of the sun in the depth of winter.

savoring a grapefruit.

loving my God.

loving my friends.

loving my neighbor.

loving my enemy.

true christianity is being fanatical enough to decide that every day counts. that serving dinner to friends is ministry. that a coffee house can be as holy as a church sanctuary. that your body is a temple and should be treated as such. fanatical enough to know that some days are hard. some days are boring. some days we just get by. some days we just have grace enough for today. 

the fragility of life.

"get a life. get a real life. a life in which you stop and wonder and are full of awe."
-Professor Diane Portfleet

"it is better to die than to live and not breathe."
-johnny y. and sam p.

these are my vital signs

i stole this idea from amelia.

these are the things in my life that remind me i'm alive. these are things that make life worth living. these are my vital signs.

longboarding on a windy, beautiful fall day with incredible friends.

playing guitar by myself on a rainy day.

watching dead poets society with good friends.

driving in my car with the windows down and trees changing colors and a warm breeze and good music.

running in the rain.

having real conversations. about life. about the joy and the suffering. and about the God who makes all things new.


worshipping in chapel.

heart-to-hearts.


the first snow.

good coffee with good friends.
books. good ones. books worth reading.

hot apple cider.

best friends. one in particular who reminds me to breath.

"our wildest dreams aren't half wild enough..."

“Notice how many places in the accounts of Jesus’ life he gets frustrated with his disciples. Because they are incapable?” No, because of how capable they are. He sees what they could be and could do, and when they fall short, it provokes him to no end. It isn’t their failure that’s the problem; it’s their greatness. They don’t realize what they are capable of.”
-Rob Bell, “Velvet Elvis”-

it’s true, you know?

It really is. How frustrating it must be to be the creator, the sole designer of a species that has barely even scraped away the surface of their potential?

we are a people designed for great things.
We were not designed to live small, insignificant lives.
But rather,
We were designed to live lives that matter.

Lives well lived.
Lives lived big.
Lives lived in the acknowledgement of the crazy, beautiful, mad scientist that created them.

It’s not that we live our lives too loud, but rather that we tiptoe around them.

Dream wilder.
Live louder.
Pray crazier.

My friend Amanda said this in her blog, Zecer:

“Our wildest dreams aren’t half wild enough"

"i want to get home every night and be exhausted..."

i truly love living.

is that so strange?

i really do.

i love it. i love it. i love it.

i like waking up in the morning and breathing deeply.
i like stretching and yawning loudly.
i like working outside in the harsh summer sun.
i like arizona tea.
i like good friends.
i like the community table at LJ's.
i like sketching and painting.
i like the water. the waves. the lake.
i like hookah on the beach.
i like rebellious drives in my little red station wagon.
i like to ride my bicycle.
i like running until i cannot go any farther, then turning around and running home.
i like the way my skin turns bronze.
i like dinners on tuesday nights.
i like silly music.
i like writing music.
i like playing music.
i like music.
i like my camera.
i like that circuit city has good warranty protection plans so i can fix my camera.
i like indecisive frattes.
i like mind, body and soul coffee.
i like lovecake.
i like miss ally jester.
i like my dress, that may actually be a shirt, but i don't care.
i like friday dinners with my parents.
i like call my brother and talking with him.
i like dreaming big.
i like good talks.
i like deep conversations.
i like sarcasm.
i like surprises. (especially ones that look like little red station wagons)
i like silly dancing with house mates.
i like living on my own.
i like thinking about serious decisions.
i like making big changes.
i like knowing who i am.
i like knowing that i am enough.
i like friends who aren't afraid to tell me to stop being a jerk.
i like puppies.
i really like puppies.
i want a puppy.
i like the pitbull puppies that are all over our neighborhood.
i like my grandparents.
i like teasing my g-pa on the phone.
i like my aunt marjie. she's the best.
i like teaching sailing.
i like nannying.
i like middle schoolers.
i like my new hat.
i like jesus sandals.
i like misty edwards.
i like mate tea.
i like life.

i really do.
i really. really. really. really. like life.

it's so. so, good,

and i want to live it out. i want to run and dance and skip and jump. i want to run and roll down hills like trees. i want to see the world and meet people and talk to them and soak up everything i possibly can. i want to get home every night and be exhausted, because i truly lived out every moment i could.

let's live friend.
let's breathe deep.


let's set this world on fire.

"hello goodbye?"

tonight on my way to the coffee shop, "lemonjellos", where I am sitting right now, i passed a lady on the stairs of my apartment. she said, "hello" and asked how i was. i replied, "good."

now here's the strange part.

after i said, "good", she said, "good thanks."

the unusual part of this conversation wasn't that she was good, but that i had never asked her how she was. i never said, "and how are you?" she just assumed that i would ask. interesting isn't it? and i don't that she even realized what she had said. i think she was just on auto pilot.

isn't it strange? how easily we walk through life without even noticing things or truly interacting? our questions and responses are simply dictated by the norms of society. we don't think about our words until they are flying, hurdling, tumbling out of our mouths with no chance of ever catching them again. our tongues have been set loose without restraint. we speak. we scream. we declare. we proclaim. we whisper. but we never think. how strange. we have lost the ability to think. or maybe not so much the ability to think, but rather to prioritize. we have placed speaking in front of intelligent thought.

i hope i'm not just hurdling through this life on autopilot. i hope i'm looking around. i hope i'm making real friendships and real relationships with real conversations. i hope i'm living my life in a way that acknowledges that i'm alive. i hope that i'm living in a way that shows real love. real faith. real christianity. a real God.

oh i hope and pray so.

"The opposite of life is not death, it's indifference."

"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference.
The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference.
And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference."
-Elie Wiesel

maybe that's what it comes down to. our own indifference. do we care enough about living, to be alive? it's not hate, ugliness, heresy, or even death that eats. But our own indifference. We are self-destructing vehicles. We are kamikaze planes and we don't care. Aren't we rebellious and unlike our parents? Aren't we cool? Aren't we tough? Aren't we independent?

Is that what all this rebellious attitude we hold is? We are too cool to deal with our problems? I hope not. Oh I hope and pray that it isn't the case.

I want to love endlessly.
I want to make beautiful art.
I want a faith with deep roots.
I want to truly live.

do you want that friend? or do you just not care anymore?

taste the night air.

"Listen; there's a hell of a good universe next door: let's go."
-E.E. Cummings

life is meant to be lived friend.

you don't have to be dead to be un-alive.

wake up. breathe. this day was put into motion by a God who loves every moment.

"Worse still, supposing He had found us?"

"There comes a moment when the children who have been playing at burglars hush suddenly: was that a real footstep in the hall? There comes a moment when people who have been dabbling in religion ('Man's search for God!') suddenly draw back. Supposing we really found Him? We never meant it to come to that! Worse still, supposing He had found us?" - C.S. Lewis, Miracle

In late fall in Holland, I went on a walk with two friends. We talked about life. Not that this is an unusual occurrence at Hope College, but that this time, it was different. We had grown up in Christian families, we had accepted Christ as our Lord and Savior. We had gone to church and youth group and mission trips and community projects. We had done a lot. A lot, except truly explore the heart of God.

We found ourselves asking big questions...Why don't we know the things we should know? Why do we not know, understand, and treasure the foundation of our faith? And what if? what if? what if we wanted more? What if we wanted more than a "jinga tower" faith, full of holes and lacking steadfastness?

We all sit in church and pretend. In the very we place we are supposed to be most honest, we lie to ourselves and one another. And when the pastor asks if we remember a story or a verse, we look around and think, "Should I know this?" And the girl next to you shakes her head, yes, she knows it. But if she knows it, "Surely I should know it..." But instead of diving into the very words of God, we go on pretending, building our faith on a foundation full of gaps.

So we thought, what if? what if? what if we learned the things we should have known all along. What if we read the bible, and this time it's not just a story, not just empty words, what if God breathed life into these dry bones?

And that's exactly what happened.

We stumbled across the living God. More so, he had drawn us into the temple. Into the presence of a Holy God.

hallelujah.

Have you been dipping your fingers into the pool of religion? Be careful my friends. You may encounter more that just water. You may encounter blood. You may have found the Holy One.