to search deep.

"Most people are like: oh this is nice, this is bad. No one wants to search deep. Sadness. You so would."

-m.a.

[i've never been so flattered in my life.]

dear friends,

i must say, i truly enjoy reading your blogs. i enjoy reading about your dreams [sleeping or awake], your travels, your thoughts, your struggles, your triumphs, your lives, and your stories. i love being able to connect with you through your words. whether you are 2 blocks, 2 states, or 2,000 miles away. 

i love reading your words, listening to you wordsmith. listening to you wrap and weave words with the skill of wise craftsmen. and you all use them so differently. so beautifully. some of you use raw words. writing allows you to escape, to say what you want to say. for some of you, your writing is thought out, detailed. every word is carefully chosen, exchanged over and over and over until the right combination is found.

your words. i read them all [although perhaps a little too often]. i love your words. i value your words. so please. please. please. please. please. please. write. write a little. write a waterfall of words. but please, write. because if you don't, who will? who will tell the world of your dreams? who will tell the world of your travels? who will tell the world of your stories, your struggles, your anger, your beauty, your sorrows, your joy?

please continue writing friends. 

i like your words.

these friends of mine

friends. i see Jesus in these people.

alexandria.

the God loving, earth caring, food cooking, beautiful soul that i call my best friend. a lover of God and of people. so full of adventure and life. when i'm around her, i'm more compassionate, more honest, more of the me that God is calling me to be.

jaime.

lays down her life for the best and worst of friends. holds tightly to God's promises and is a friend who truly understands what it takes to stand in the will of God. she keeps me sane when i'm tip-toeing the edge of insanity.

marcus.

the kindest man i know. loves those who don't deserve love. cares more deeply for the people around him than anyone i have ever known. chases after God with such fervor. and never, never, never gives up on anyone.

nathan.

the thinker. the professor. the contemplator. he wrestles with every idea, relationship, aspect of life. when he cares, he cares deeply. he is one-hundred percent in or one-hundred percent out. he is deep and good and full of wisdom. he is my brother, the first person i call. his wisdom is a strong, steady keel in an ocean of waves.

behr.

makes everyday new. everyday bright. everyday beautiful. she's a rock in a crashing sea of unsteady friendships. beautiful, free, and young. she grows boldly and pulls others up off the ground as she grows upward. she's full of forgiveness and mercy. she's my neighbor, my friend, my late-night-confidant. i laugh harder and breathe deeper when we are together.

andrew.

sacrifices sleep, food, homework, sanity for his friends. gives so much of himself. lives abundantly, beautifully, and true. lays down his life for his friends daily. honest and true, and his friendship makes me more so. our first conversation was 10 hours long. (not exaggerating)

paul.

his smile, laughter, humor are contagious, but not ignorantly so. his kindness shows the wisdom of a life that has seen less happy times. he soaks up each day so fully, sometimes, i swear i can see each ray of sunlight sink into his skin. he is so sincere, and i learn what sincerity is every time he hugs me.

arin.

wonderful. wonderful. wonderful. one of the most intelligent minds and souls that i know.  a lover of words and thoughts. he has taught me the value of every-single-word.  every word is carefully chosen. every thought, thought out. he is bluntly honest and wonderfully bold. his life humbles and encourages me.

allison.

humble and beautiful. steady and bright. her laughter lights up rooms. her compassion topples buildings. she has a voice that the most talented lark would envy. a beautiful woman, down to the deepest part of her soul. i am humbled to call her friend.

you bless me more than you know.

the pedestrian life

i made my first dinner in the new house!

i cooked for trena, gabe, mike, and ben. i made stir-fry with lime-cilantro chicken and peppers and onions. i also made home-made guac. everyone seemed to enjoy it!

pictures to come of food and house soon!

(also: going on a bike ride tomorrow on sophia[my schwinn breezer])

"This is what I’m finding, in glimpses and flashes: this is it. This is it, in the best possible way. That thing I’m waiting for, that adventure, that move-score-worthy experience unfolding gracefully. This is it. Normal, daily life ticking by on our streets and sidewalks, in our houses and apartments, in our beds and at our dinner tables, in our dreams and prayers and fights and secrets – this pedestrian life is the most precious thing any of use will ever experience."

-shauna niequist

"there is nothing more sacred and profound than this day."

"I don’t want to wait anymore. I choose to believe 

that there is nothing more sacred or profound than this 

day. I choose to believe that there may be a thousand big 

moments embedded in this day, waiting to be discovered 

like tiny shards of gold. The big moments are the daily, tiny 

moments of courage and forgiveness and hope that we 

grab on to and extend to one another. That’s the drama of 

life, swirling all around us, and generally I don’t even see it, 

because I’m too busy waiting to become whatever it is I think 

I am about to become. The big moments are in every hour, 

every conversation, every meal, every meeting."

-shauna niequist

to ally and kelly:

thank you so dearly for so many lovely. honest. day-to-day. meaningful moments these past few weeks. and truly, the big moments are in every mongiamo's pizza, every milkshake, every vegan cupcake, every oven explosion. 

you are more deeply loved than you know.

"friend. i would take a bullet for you"

"'Cause I would take a bullet for you
I would take a bullet for you
I would cross any line, I'd swim across the sea
I would take a bullet for you
I would take a bullet for you
I would lose it all, I'd take my fall
To show you it's for real"

"i want to get home every night and be exhausted..."

i truly love living.

is that so strange?

i really do.

i love it. i love it. i love it.

i like waking up in the morning and breathing deeply.
i like stretching and yawning loudly.
i like working outside in the harsh summer sun.
i like arizona tea.
i like good friends.
i like the community table at LJ's.
i like sketching and painting.
i like the water. the waves. the lake.
i like hookah on the beach.
i like rebellious drives in my little red station wagon.
i like to ride my bicycle.
i like running until i cannot go any farther, then turning around and running home.
i like the way my skin turns bronze.
i like dinners on tuesday nights.
i like silly music.
i like writing music.
i like playing music.
i like music.
i like my camera.
i like that circuit city has good warranty protection plans so i can fix my camera.
i like indecisive frattes.
i like mind, body and soul coffee.
i like lovecake.
i like miss ally jester.
i like my dress, that may actually be a shirt, but i don't care.
i like friday dinners with my parents.
i like call my brother and talking with him.
i like dreaming big.
i like good talks.
i like deep conversations.
i like sarcasm.
i like surprises. (especially ones that look like little red station wagons)
i like silly dancing with house mates.
i like living on my own.
i like thinking about serious decisions.
i like making big changes.
i like knowing who i am.
i like knowing that i am enough.
i like friends who aren't afraid to tell me to stop being a jerk.
i like puppies.
i really like puppies.
i want a puppy.
i like the pitbull puppies that are all over our neighborhood.
i like my grandparents.
i like teasing my g-pa on the phone.
i like my aunt marjie. she's the best.
i like teaching sailing.
i like nannying.
i like middle schoolers.
i like my new hat.
i like jesus sandals.
i like misty edwards.
i like mate tea.
i like life.

i really do.
i really. really. really. really. like life.

it's so. so, good,

and i want to live it out. i want to run and dance and skip and jump. i want to run and roll down hills like trees. i want to see the world and meet people and talk to them and soak up everything i possibly can. i want to get home every night and be exhausted, because i truly lived out every moment i could.

let's live friend.
let's breathe deep.


let's set this world on fire.

a letter from a friend

the following is a letter a friend wrote to me upon my graduation from high school. she is a lover of truth and Christ and spoke wisdom into my life. i came across it while cleaning out my room at my parents' house. it encouraged and convicted me, so here's an exert from it.

"God has given you this ability to love...to sincerely look at a person, situation, or problem and pour out unconditional love into whatever it is. It's the same kind of love that Christ has. Bre...Christ has empowered you with this love! This love can change the world and you are already doing that. Thank you for loving yourself, but loving Christ and others as well. Not many people have the life changing qualities that you have. Don't lose them, Bre. They will get you through the changes that you will endure during college. They will help you see the goodness in the bad. They wil help you love when all you want to do is hate. You've been greatly blessed, Bre. "

"You're an incredible girl, Bre. An incredible girl that is going to change the world. What the heck, Bre, you are already changing the world. You are a leader, a lover, a speaker, an inspiration. Seeds of Christ are already being planted because of you. But with all of these qualities comes a little bit of scariness. Many people will look to you to see how you handle yourself during difficult situations-though you probably won't be aware of being watched. Never the less, they'll watch how you talk, treat others, how you perform under pressure. Like it or not, women of Christ are being watched."

"Something dramatic must have happened in our hearts, then, to make them fit to be the dwelling place of a holy God."
-John Eldredge

friend.

sometimes its enough to just be a friend.

i greatly enjoy being a friend. but not just any friend. i enjoy being a friend who has a servant's heart. now, this isn't to say that i like to be used by my friends, that's not what i'm getting at here. but i truly enjoy caring and doing what i can to make my friends happy. its something that just makes me feel good.

like...
driving around holland.
and making pancakes at 2am.
and loving on them.

its not something we think about often, you know. Jesus as a friend. we think of him as Lord, Prince, and Savior. and its not that he isn't all of these things, because he is fully. but he was also a friend. a friend to his disciples, to poor, to the unloved.

i'm not sure that i truly understand what friendship is. honestly. i fall pretty short. but man, to love my friends and serve them like Jesus did??!? i want to kneel down. i want to wash your sore, tired feet my friend. come here. let me show you love.

"Speak- say the words that no one else will ever say
Love- love like the world we know is over in a day

I'm gonna show you a love in every language
I'm gonna speak with the words that need no form
I'm gonna give you what you never had before"
-Jars of Clay (Show you Love)