How to (not) train for a marathon:

step 1:

unaligned hips. don't bother spending the money to go to the chiropractor that insurance doesn't cover. your hips don't really need to be aligned. this is actually unimportant.

step 2:

finally attain some great distance (23 miles), then take your hips out of their sockets. allow them to pop in and out for say...a week.

step 3: 

try to walk up stairs with hips out.

step 4: 

barely be able to walk let alone run.

step 5: 

take 2 months off to allow hips to "heal" (i.e. not hurt). do not seek professional consult. do not see a doctor. do not try to proactively fix the problem. this is all very much unnecessary. "these things heal themselves". (ha)

step 6: 

run on icy pavement. when its below freezing. i hear this is great for your joints. do this as often as possible.

step 7: 

finally start upping your mileage again. up your mileage really quickly in an effort to catch up on your training. 

step 8: 

good, long, wonderful run. 

step 9: 

last mile. cue the hip pop.

step 10: 

"shit."

The Year in Visual Form:

this year has been a good one...

Celebrated New Years Downtown with Abby and Co.

Finally got around to getting my Level 1 Certification with Trev and Travis

Tested K2's 2009-2010 Lineup. Remembered why I love them. Fell in Love with the new (not yet released) Jibpan (which just so happens to have Michael Sieben graphics, one of my favorite artists of all time!)

Got surgery to remove a cyst on my back.

This past summer I got involved with an Art Collective called, "The Ambrose Collective"

Learn more about Ambrose.

As always, spent a good deal of my time at The Burg, working hard and hardly working.

It's been a good winter, and I've been blessed to ride and progress a lot.

We won Pull breaking records and truly becoming the Legendary team we set out to be.

half-life

i had something on my heart and typed out here on this screen and then my window shut for no apparent reason and i am so frustrated and its just not worth the energy to write it out again. and frankly, i'm out of drafts to publish so i'll leave you with this.

"I'm awake in the afternoon
I fell asleep in the living room
and it's one of those moments
when everything is so clear

before the truth goes back into hiding
I want to decide 'cause it's worth deciding
to work on finding something more than this fear 

It takes so much out of me to pretend
tell me now, tell me how to make amends

maybe, I need to see the daylight
to leave behind this half-life
don't you see I'm breaking down

lately, something here don't feel right
this is just a half-life
is there really no escape?
no escape from time
of any kind

I keep trying to understand
this thing and that thing, my fellow man
I guess I'll let you know
when i figure it out"

-Duncan Shiek "Half-life"

"there is nothing more sacred and profound than this day."

"I don’t want to wait anymore. I choose to believe 

that there is nothing more sacred or profound than this 

day. I choose to believe that there may be a thousand big 

moments embedded in this day, waiting to be discovered 

like tiny shards of gold. The big moments are the daily, tiny 

moments of courage and forgiveness and hope that we 

grab on to and extend to one another. That’s the drama of 

life, swirling all around us, and generally I don’t even see it, 

because I’m too busy waiting to become whatever it is I think 

I am about to become. The big moments are in every hour, 

every conversation, every meal, every meeting."

-shauna niequist

to ally and kelly:

thank you so dearly for so many lovely. honest. day-to-day. meaningful moments these past few weeks. and truly, the big moments are in every mongiamo's pizza, every milkshake, every vegan cupcake, every oven explosion. 

you are more deeply loved than you know.

If you are the water, I am the waves
If you are the writer, I am the page
If you are the fire, I am the rage
You left a light on, in the back of my mistake

familiar, distinct, and strong.

today i was walking to class through downtown holland when i smelled the scent of smoked salmon. and all of a sudden, i am 9 years old again chasing my brother through the docks on the dam. the indian fishing boats are coming in. the sun is just short of noon. the stores are opening. and we are running up the hill to town. 

in the grocery store, we buy fresh cherries and jones soda. then we stop at the shanty for fresh cheese and bread. i always get a sourdough roll, i like the bitterness of the thick bread against the sweetness of the deep red cherries. my brother likes the sharpness of the Wisconsin cheese.

then, to Carlson's for the fish. 1/2 pound of smoked salmon. i don't like the taste, but the smell is familiar, distinct, and strong. and finally, down to sit on the docks, watching the fish eat our bread crumbs and nibble at the pits of the cherries that we spit into the clear, crisp, northern water. 

and then, taking the boat, my brother and i escape to the beach. we're not really old enough to drive, but we push quietly off the back of the sailboat and head out of the rocky pier that protects all the boats, out of the safe harbor. and we spend the afternoon collecting treasures. petoskey stones, coral, sea glass, and sand. i'm best at spotting the stones, even when they're dry on the shore. but dad will yell at us later for getting sand in the boat and weighing the sailboat down with our treasures. apparently you don't really need 200 petoskey stones.  "you should really  leave some for other people to find." 

ending the day on a picnic table that rocks back and forth on a track. the warm summer air filtering through the streets of the quiet little town. eating ice cream. and the stars begin to shine through the deep indigo sky and the sun sinks into the lake, illuminating the islands in front of it before it drops beneath the surface. 

and sixteen sweet summers full of life, adventure, and unadulterated innocence come rushing back.

cold.

today was unbelievably cold. 

it was the kind of day where the wind is so bitter, so fierce, that it fights through your jacket and sends shivers erupting down your spine. 

the snow was wrapping aggressively around street lamps, trees and buildings. today was the kind of day when the coldness sank a little deeper than hands, flesh, or bones. the kind of day when the coldness seems to comes straight at your heart. 

today, was cold.

and as i walking, my pace ever quickening, i felt as thought i would freeze right through before i ever reached the other side of my door. i thought for a fleeting second that my veins would begin to freeze from the tiny capillaries in the tips of my fingers,

up my arms,

across my shoulders,

through my lungs,

then the ice would begin to crackle up into my chest,

and theh-bump, theh-bump, theh-bump________

____________________________________

_____.         and i would freeze over and cease to be.

but the beauty of this cold afternoon is... i didn't freeze.

i had enough warmth to walk across 9th street and then 8th street. enough warmth to run across the snow dusted lawn, up the cracked cement path, and slip through the entrance, to the other side, the warm side, of my door. 

the beauty is that we have enough warmth to make it to the door. enough to persist through the bitter cold. enough to run quickly home. 

we have enough to make it to the other side of the door. 

end again. begin again.

"...and i thought, be still my heart this could be a brand new start."

-The Postal Service

"it takes courage to grow up and become who you really are."

-e.e. cummings

simple fanaticism

i think the most fanatical way to live a christian life is not loud or prominent or crazy. but a day-by-day, semi-boring, not too exciting sort of way. 

i don't need to live in an exclusive christian community.

i don't need to go to every bible study. every worship service. every church camp. every chapel. 

and when i drop something on my foot, i say shit. it hurts.

real, fanatical christianity is 

breathing because i can.

feeling the warmth of the sun in the depth of winter.

savoring a grapefruit.

loving my God.

loving my friends.

loving my neighbor.

loving my enemy.

true christianity is being fanatical enough to decide that every day counts. that serving dinner to friends is ministry. that a coffee house can be as holy as a church sanctuary. that your body is a temple and should be treated as such. fanatical enough to know that some days are hard. some days are boring. some days we just get by. some days we just have grace enough for today. 

the part of you that couldn't finally thinks you can

"this is what it's like
finding your feet again
the part of you that couldn't
finally thinks you can

and you said...

go now in the light of your god
go now in the love of your god
go now in the peace of your god
go now in the joy of your god"
-denison witmer