"life's like an hourglass glued to the table."
-anna nalick

a lesson well learned.

we don't ask God for his will to aline with ours.









we ask for our will to aline with his.

"and he said to man, 'The fear of the Lord-that is wisdom"

-Job 28:28


"we're going to make it, friend. you and i, we're going to make it.

sometimes that's all we have, a little light at the end. and sometimes, that's all God gives us. enough to make it through today. and that has to be enough. and it is enough. every time.

we're going to make it friend."

-wise words from a wise friend.

mercy. mercy. mercy.

"we are going to make it.
we are going to make it.
we are going to make it."
- a dear friend

this is by far, the most difficult season of my life.

i feel like i'm sinking fast. and there's no chance of getting out alive. like i've got nothing but the top of my head above water. just my blonde hair floating softly in ripples of blue.

a dear friend of mine told me to hold onto the things i know. because in the end. that's what we've got, our stories. i know a precious few things. i don't know anything at all, but a few small truths. and right now. it's all i need. because its the only thing keeping me afloat.

i know.

that God is enough.
he is enough for me today, and for tomorrow. i know my God is enough.

i know.

that i want to wake up and fight the good fight.
i want to wake up and choose God every morning. this world is too dark, too angry, too bitter, and far too broken. i want to wake up in the reality of these insurmountable odds and choose hope. i want to choose joy. i want to choose perseverance. i want to choose abundance. i want to wake up every morning and choose life.

i know.

that my breaking point is never as close as i think it is. i know that God's grace gives me far more strength than i've found anywhere else. i know that i have a peace in this screwed-up life that passes all understanding. i've got a peace that makes no sense at all.

i know.

that my roots are deep. that i've got a family, a body, even when i forget what they look like. i've got some damn good friends. i know i've got sunshine. i know i can always run home to my sunshine family like the prodigal son, and before i can take a step towards them, they are already holding me, kissing me, wiping all the hurt away.


i know.

that in all this, this messy, (and-pardon-me-for-saying-so) fucked up world, i need something larger than myself to hold onto. i need something larger than my education. i need something larger than my friendships. i need something larger than my family. i need something larger than a relationship. i need a savior.



...
..
.
this world is so broken. so. so. so. broken. and i've got nothing left but you father. i'm crying out. i've got nothing left. you've taken it all. please look my way. don't turn your face away from me father. mercy Lord. mercy. mercy. mercy.

"remember your promise oh God."

by far, the hardest season of my life...

life is so hard.

so.

so..

so...

hard.


i know its good.

i know God is enough.

and i'm going to wake up in the morning, and the morning after that, and the morning after that and i'm going to choose hope. i'm going to choose abundance. i'm going to choose perseverance.

but it's just so damn hard sometimes.

surprise. surprise. life is hard...

life is tough. life hurts. life is rough. life is a summit. life is a storm. a flood. a hurricane. a blinding rain.

there are times when all we can do in fall to our knees and cry out.

and some days....

some days...
we don't get an answer.

i've got to tell you. its been one of the roughest few weeks i can remember. i've been brought to my knees so many times, i've given up standing.

...and finally. i'm feeling some peace.

God doesn't want us to carry our burdens. Jesus didn't die on the cross for the atonement of all our burdens, to only have us give him some. our God is a jealous God. he wants it all.

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in die time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
-1 Peter 4:6-7

so i'm learning to find my knees. and to stay there. and that in his time, NOT mine, he will lift me up. He wants it all, because i am his daughter.